21 MAN RULES

I used to think women were different from guys… in that they didn’t respond to, react to, or treat guys the way they "should." Yes, it’s true they ARE different from us – both physically and emotionally. However, having said that, they are, at the same time, not really so much different from us. The truth is that us guys would probably do the same to them if we were always being fawned over and put on a pedestal, as many women are (especially the very attractive women). Our egos would also go sky-high, and we would go on power-trips, as some women do that get a lot of attention. But anyway, I digress. After reading many things about what women want and how they think, and hearing about what experienced guys have learned about women, and about my own observances in real life (mostly from afar, though at times from personal experience), I’ve come to realize and know we both really want the same basic things. We both have the same general expectations of a Significant Other. So a lot of the qualities that I am going to list that we need to possess and what women want to see in us is also (generally) what we would like to see in a woman. Really, what it comes down to is not to obsess on what you have to do and how you have to act to please a woman, but instead, you need to do what it takes to improve yourself. You can’t go around thinking, "How can I impress women?" You probably think I’m about to say, "Just be yourself". NO! Don’t be yourself… Be BETTER than yourself! Odds are if you are reading this, then "yourself" is just not good enough. If you have negative qualities that are keeping you from living the life you want, then you certainly don’t want to follow the often heard philosophy of, "Be yourself". You want to be better than that!

A lot of the advice below seems contradictory to the message of not worrying about pleasing a woman. However, for the most part it is about what both women and men want. Mostly, when I say "women want (whatever)," it usually is true that men want the same thing from women – (but of course from a man’s point of view). Even though I put it in the context of "women want this, and women want that", it’s really about improving yourself in those specific areas mentioned, for the sake of YOURSELF.

With the exception or Rule #10, all of the below info/rules came from a notebook I compiled over the last 4 years -- culled from hundreds of pages of information I collected from various internet magazines, internet articles, and internet forums. Also info from such experts as David DeAngelo, David Wygant, etc. I combed out the best of those hundreds of pages and put it together here in this document. With the possible exception of Rule #1 – of which, in my opinion, is the most important rule – these rules are not necessarily in any particular order. It really is hard to put these rules in order of importance because they are ALL important! If you want them in a certain order, then it is up to you to put them in the order you feel is correct. Also, just because some rules have much more written about them than others, it doesn’t mean that they are more important. It just means that I felt they required more information to explain those particular rules better.

I’ve spent MANY hours going through the hundreds of pages in my notebook to find the "best of the best" and putting it all together to make it readable. It’s quite a bit of information, but I believe it is life-changing information -- and certainly worth the time it takes to read and learn this document. It is my hope everyone can and will benefit from this document. Study this document and practice it. Don’t expect to be perfect at it the first time you put it to use. It takes time and most importantly, practice, to condition it into your being. You'll find that soon it will become a normal part of the way you think, feel, and act. Now, on to the rules!

Rule #1: Confidence, Confidence, Confidence. It is well known about how the "bad boys" easily get women. They can treat women like dirt and still have scores of girls drooling all over them. You know why this is? One word: Confidence. It seems their confidence knows no bounds. Bad boys always assume that women want them – insecurity has no place in their personal vocabularies. This is the exact opposite of the usual male desperation. So your attitude should be that you’re the catch, not that women are doing you a favor by talking to you.

I recently seen a post on a forum in which a woman said the reason the bad boys get so much attention from women is not because that they treat other people so bad and are jerks, but because of their confidence. Women love a guy who is confident and sure of himself. Confidence is sexy. Be like the bad boy. No, don’t be a low class jerk. Instead, be confident. Don’t go around worrying about what others think. Be confident in everything you do. Learn to walk with a certain swagger, talk as though everyone needs to hear what you want to say, and portray the image of a man who has it together. Some of the ugliest guys get women simply because they have that air of confidence that other guys lack. Also, whatever you do, do it without hesitation. For example: If you hesitate when you approach a woman, this tells her that you are not feeling confident – an immediate turn-off. A woman doesn’t want someone who’s scared or intimidated. When you see her, walk over to her within a short period of time (the three-second rule). Any longer, and she’s going to notice you watching and get creeped out.

You may be saying, "Yes, I know it’s important to be confident, but HOW do I become confident?" I’m glad you asked. As you will find throughout this document, I like quoting successful people. Here is a direct quote from Dr. Wayne Dyer that is the best explanation I’ve come across on how to acquire confidence:

"The key to a positive self-image is self-confidence. The only way to get confidence to be a great anything is by first going out and doing it and doing it and doing it, again and again and again. The essence of achieving self-confidence is doing… and not one moment before. If you don’t have self-esteem and self-confidence, do anything that will make you feel better about yourself and do it again and again, and before long you will be a person who has self-confidence."

One more tip that will help in being confident is to be cool, calm and relaxed. Isn’t it true that when you are confident at something you are cool, calm and relaxed – in control of yourself and your situation? What if you were nervous, frantic, and out of control? Would that show you to be confident? Of course not! When you are cool, calm and relaxed you show you have confidence and are in control of yourself. Contrast that to someone who is nervous, overly-excitable and talking very fast. That person is obviously not in control of himself and lacking confidence. Being cool, calm and relaxed begins with your physical presentation. SLOW DOWN! Move slower and talk slower. That will help you pace yourself into a calm zone. One thing you do not want to project is nervousness. Women are keenly perceptive to other people’s emotional states, and if you’re nervous, it will show. In the back of her head, she’ll interpret this nervousness to mean that you are NOT confident. Nervousness also equals FEAR. She doesn’t respect fear. Because fear means that you are not equipped to protect her. She may WANT to pretend your nervousness and fear are something else, and she might want to accept you in spite of it, but her inner thought process (the one she cannot control) will undermine your image to her and she will not be attracted to you. Remember – cool, calm and relaxed. That is what she knows as real confidence.

Even if you don’t look like Brad Pitt, you can still attract lots of women simply by oozing confidence. Yes, confidence is everything.

Rule #2: No more Mr. Nice Guy. Nice guys – especially overly nice guys – are turn-offs to girls. I’ve heard girls talk about how they do not want a nice guy. A nice guy is seen by women as a push-over with no backbone. I want to point out I don’t believe there is nothing wrong with being nice – that is, when you are nice at certain, appropriate times. But being Mr. Nice Guy ALL the time will totally doom you. Despite what you may have been taught, being overly nice is not good. Being too nice makes you a wimp. I could make the subject of "being a wimp" a rule of unto itself, but because it’s closely associated with being an overly nice guy, I’ll address it here.

One of the reasons why bad boys get the girls is because bad boys obviously are not viewed as wimps. They say what they want and do what they want. It doesn’t concern them at all what others are thinking about them. Bad boys are not doormats. We have to have these similar bad boy qualities. We just don’t need to be jerks about it as the bad boys are. Nice guys are too boring and predictable. That is yet another reason women are attracted to bad boys. Bad boys are in no way boring and predictable. Women see them as fun and exciting. Nice guys, however, are seen as boring and predictable. So, it’s important to know that women do not want doormats. They do not respect these type of men. Also, don’t cater to women, agreeing with every word they utter… in essence, paying for female attention – because women see this as "weak" and wimpy. Be decisive and don’t hesitate when talking. Don’t second guess yourself after you’ve made a decision. Speak your mind. Voice your opinion and don’t worry about offending others. Stand up yourself and for what you believe in. Bad boys may be jerks, but they have a lot to teach the average guy about attracting women. Remember, nice guys finish last, and that’s a fact.

Rule #3: Be a man. Women want a man to be a man. A bad boy exudes untamed masculinity, independence and confidence. These are qualities women see as manly. To women, these traits – especially confidence – are an aphrodisiac. The problem is, in the hands of the bad boy, confidence becomes selfish arrogance. But women are responding to guys like this on a purely elemental, emotional level. Just as men are turned on by a woman’s femininity, so to do women respond to overt male masculinity – and the bad boy has it in buckets. What’s going on here is that she’s having a gut reaction to his confidence and male strength, and is blind to anything else. The trick is to learn to take the bad boy’s negative traits and spin them in a positive direction to make them work for us – in other words, to become a bad boy without really being "bad." This way you can still maintain your gentleman status without turning into an abusive jerk.

Despite what you hear, women do not want a guy to be her best friend, or vice versa. Women (and men) often say they want a "best friend" in a relationship. If that’s the case, then what’s the reason for getting married? What’s the reason for having an intimate relationship? If a woman – or man – just want a best friend in the opposite sex, than why not just be best friends? As for a woman having a best friend… that’s what they (women) got their girlfriends for – to gossip, commiserate with, etc. They do not want a guy with the qualities of a girl. You will never get a girl to fall in love with you by acting like a girl. As I’ve read somewhere, a girl wants to be with a guy who is not more nice & sensitive than she is, and on the flip side, a guy wants to be with a girl who is more nice & sensitive than he is. In other words, a girl wants a relationship with a guy – not a girl, and vice versa. A guy being more nice & sensitive than the girl is not attractive to a girl. Women view guys who are nice, quiet, passive, and sensitive as wimps. You need to be strong, confident, have a spine and have balls. Women want to believe that you are capable of standing up for your lady when needed. One of the reasons women go for bad boys is because they perceive them as a protector that will stand up for her. Be a man, and no less.

Rule #4: Have a sense of humor. Everyone - especially women - values a sense of humor. You hear over and over again from women everywhere about how the trait of having a great sense of humor is one of the biggest…if not THE biggest…things that attract them to a man. In fact, ALL people, not just women, want to be around someone who is fun, smiling, and happy. Joke around, be playful, laugh more. You will be seen as a fun and happy person. If you never joke around or show playfulness, etc., then you are just another boring person. Take a tip from Julia Louis-Dreyfus (she played "Elaine" from the TV show Seinfeld) who once said (in REAL life, not her character): "If you’re funny, we will sleep with you."

Rule #5: Women, in general, are turned on by words more than any other thing. You may say, "But isn’t a sense of humor what turns women on the most?" Well, yes, but think about it - you generally have to use words to be able to show your sense of humor, don’t you? Isabel Allende, a writer & teacher from Chile, said: "For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time." Another woman, in a forum I visited a while back, quoted an old saying of, "Make love to my mind and my body is yours." She then said it was true. This helps to explain when you see a guy who looks like a troll with a beautiful woman. It’s obviously not because of his looks; it’s most likely because of the things he said to her that won her over. So get into her mind. You may then find you’ll be getting into other things….

Rule #6: Smile. It’s amazing, but a simple smile can be your passport to popularity. It tells the person you accept them and that you are approachable. It makes the other person feel good. A smile is a welcome mat inviting people to be your friend. A smile shows that you are friendly and confident. A person who doesn’t smile is seen as negative and unapproachable. A smile makes you look more attractive. I’ve read several posts on forums in which women said one of the things they look for in a guy is a nice smile. There was a thread at one forum in which it asked what was the first thing a woman notices in a man. One girl replied, "I melt whenever a guy smiles at me. Whether I like him or not, so I choose smile as the first thing I notice." Another girl mentioned a smile was also what she looked for and said, "I had a crush on this one guy that was 20 years older than me, but he had the sexiest smile! This guy didn’t have the nicest teeth, but I can’t even explain how I just went gaga everytime I saw him smile." So guys, practice smiling in a mirror if you have to, but smile.

Rule #7: Eye Contact. Strong eye contact is powerful. Do you remember the old saying of, "The eyes are the window to the soul"? There was a study done in which the researchers had males and females look each other in the eyes for a period of time. The study concluded that both men and women afterwards found the other person they were looking at more attractive than before looking into their eyes.

You’re probably heard someone say something like, "I didn’t trust that guy, he wouldn’t look me in the eye." If you don’t look people in the eyes, then they may think that you are hiding something or that you just don’t have any confidence to look them in the eyes. You especially don’t want women feeling this way about you. Your eyes are probably you’re most important flirting tool. Eye contact – looking directly into the eyes of another person – is such a powerful, emotionally loaded act of communication that we normally restrict it to very brief glances. The most common mistake people make in regards to eye contact with the opposite sex is that they overdo it in a premature attempt to increase intimacy. So don’t go overboard when making eye contact. This only makes the other person feel uncomfortable, and may send misleading signals. But, it is important to have good eye contact. Never be the first to break eye contact when you approach a woman. If you do, this sends the message that you are not feeling good about approaching. When you use strong eye contact, she will feel more drawn to you. With practice, you can master this. This shows her you are a man who knows what he wants and goes after it.

Rule #8: Be a good listener. Listening is almost a lost art these days. A common complaint that I’ve seen from women is that guys don’t really listen to them. It’s a skill we need to acquire. To listen courteously and attentively is one of the highest compliments you can ever pay a person. It’s just human nature for people to like you when you listen to them attentively. Let me ask you this: Have you ever disliked a person who listened courteously to your thoughts and opinions? Or put it another way: Have you ever really liked someone who wouldn’t listen to you? See what I mean? A good way to show your interest is to ask questions like "What did you do then?" "What happened after that" "What did you say next?" So concentrate 100% on what she is saying. Listen with all the intensity and awareness that you can command. Like anything, it just takes practice.

Rule #9: Don’t have issues. People want to be with someone who is upbeat and fun to be around. Women (and of course, men as well) don’t want someone with problems. A normal, healthy, happy person doesn’t want to be with someone who is sad, depressed and negative. As someone at an internet forum I frequent once said, "Unhappy people may look for a happy mate, but do happy people look for losers to fall in love with?" So true. You need to have yourself together, otherwise you will give off bad vibes and women will avoid you. If you have issues, do what it takes to solve whatever problem you have before looking to get into a relationship with someone who already has themselves together.

Rule #10: Do not continually repeat your mistakes. This is a rule I have not necessarily read in any book or article. It is something I’ve learned from my own experience. It’s a rule we all need to burn into our brain. The crime is not in making a mistake; the crime is in making the same mistake OVER AND OVER! We’re human. We’re going to make mistakes. So when a mistake is made, it is not a big deal. However, when you make that same mistake again and again, that’s when it becomes a big deal. That is when you start to really get down on yourself and hate yourself. I know this from an experience I had with a girl I was (and still am) attracted to, and I think she was also attracted to me. But I made a particular mistake with her over and over (which, because of a social anxiety condition I have, I mostly blame because of my lack of social experience) and now I think the situation may be too far gone for any relationship possibilities for us. The problem was that I initially made the mistake and then instead of forgetting about it and focusing on doing the right thing the next time an opportunity presented itself, I just kicked myself for it by continually focusing on the mistake, which basically led to me making the same mistake again. I then again focused on the mistake I once again made and the cycle began all over again. Remember the old adage: "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting a different result." Once a mistake has been made, don’t make a big deal out of it by continuously ruminating over it in your mind and letting it affect your future actions as I did with the girl I mentioned. Nip it in the bud, forget about it and do the RIGHT thing the next time you have the opportunity.

Rule #11: Don’t just talk to attractive girls, talk to EVERYONE. Some guys make the mistake of bringing out their "A-Game" personality in which they focus only on talking to attractive girls. That is a mistake. Only the most egotistical self centered woman is going to like it if you’re only charming to her but ignore everyone else. You have to get use to talking to everyone, because being a sociable person is attractive. You can’t be anti-social towards the rest of the world and be viewed positively. Be sociable and friendly to everyone, not just attractive women. Strike up a conversation with anyone who crosses your path. This will sharpen you social skills, and will make you more sociable and confident with people.

Rule #12: Don’t put women on a pedestal. Do not view any woman – or man, for that matter – to be better than you. Don’t give out the impression that women are all you live for. When you allow yourself to view a woman as better than you then you have given her all the power. When you give out that perception to a woman, there is 1 of 2 things that can happen: 1. She will not be interested in you because you will come across as a wimp that a woman can walk all over as a doormat, or 2. SHE will BE that woman that will use you as a doormat. Women NEVER are attracted to men that they can walk all over… Women aren’t attracted to Wussies!

You got to show her you are the man and she is the woman. You are dominant over them, not the other way around. You are the one in control, not her. Just as the bad boys do, act as if you couldn’t possibly care less about getting women. Never change who you are to please a woman. Get involved in your own life and your own interests. Your attitude should be: "This is who I am – if you like it, fine; if you don’t, leave." Refuse to tolerate any female BS. Don’t be afraid to say "no." Stand your ground, or simply walk away from a situation. Get her off the pedestal. Run the relationship by your rules, not hers. If you don’t agree with her, say so – don’t be a doormat in the hope of getting laid. And if she doesn’t like it, show her the door.

Rule #13: Make yourself scarce. For women, guys who are too available are boring. You need to be selfishly independent. Don’t desperately hang around women, hoping to get tossed a few scraps of attention. Women (in fact, everyone) always want what they can’t have, so make yourself busy and scarce. Be a mystery man. Be unpredictable. Be a challenge – let her do some work to get you. Psychologically, the more a woman (or anyone) wants something, the more it will elude her, and the more she’ll chase after it. In your case, the longer this process carries on, the less willing she will be to give you up once she thinks you’re "caught" … - Section III, Senoritas Escandalosa – Dating-Insider.com. If you are too available and easy to get, then you are just a dime a dozen. If you are scarce and become a challenge, then you become valuable. So, don’t become desperate. Desperation isn’t pretty. You want to emote the feeling that, yes, you like women, but hey there’s lot of other things in life that you like and are interested in as well.

Rule #14: Women want "Men Of Action." It’s very simple really, women want men who do. It has been this way since our forefathers were outwitting big game and running them off cliffs for the big feast. Fortunately for us, these days it’s not necessarily skill with a bow and arrow that catches the babes, it can be any number of activities that makes a man successful in women’s eyes. Look at the big screen movie stars. Sure these guys are good looking guys. But what makes them more attractive to women is that (in their movies at least) they are men of action… they do things. They would not be nearly so wonderful to women if they just sat on a couch all day. The more you get good at "doing" the more your popularity, especially with women, rises. Be a man with a plan, a man who has places to go and things to do. If a woman thinks all you do all day is sit around and daydream about her, she’s not going to find you very interesting. What will make her think you’re interesting is if you actually do things, and that she thinks she’s going to have to work a bit to gain more than an hour of your attention at a time.

Rule #15: Beware of women’s "tests." I’ve included a lot of info here about this subject because it is so important. So, bare with me. Women are looking for Mr. Right. Mr. Right could be anyone, and so a woman will perform "tests" to see if a particular guy might be a Mr. Right. They can do this consciously or subconsciously. Women test guys in many ways. Some women will test to see if you have money. Some will test to see if you'll spend your money on them. Some will test to see if you're intelligent. And some will test to see if you're loyal. But BY FAR more women will test you initially to see if you're a wussy! The very first thing a woman wants to "know" about you is whether or not you're a submissive, ass-kissing boy who has no balls. And if you ARE, then you might as well throw in the towel. If you are a Wussy, and you fail the "Wussy Tests" that she throws at you, then you stand little chance of succeeding with the woman who is testing you. The paradox of "testing" is that if you comply with what a woman seems to want, you will usually fail the test. There is a book called "The Way Of The Superior Man", and inside the author points out that a woman will often ask a man for something directly... but if he DOES what she asks, she will be disappointed and angry with him. Hey, who said that women made sense?....lol.

So what's with this testing stuff, anyway? Women test men because they need to quickly figure out what they're dealing with, and they can't expect a man to just be straight up and honest about his strengths and weaknesses. Let's face it... we guys like to talk a big game, but when it comes to walking the talk, we often can't back it up. So let me ask you... if you were an attractive woman that was being chased around by 100 guys, how would YOU go about figuring out which one or ones were the "real deal" and which were merely faking strength and confidence? Of course... you'd have to test them. These tests would allow you to see a man's true strengths and weaknesses, and whether or not he is a Wuss Bag. And if you did this often, you'd eventually become so accustomed to doing it, that many of the tests would become subconscious and work their way into your natural, everyday way of communicating with men. Well guess what? That's what is going on with beautiful women. Many of the tests that they use with men are actually outside their awareness. They test us automatically! In this fast-paced world, we humans don't have the time to spend getting to know people over a few months or years to figure out whether or not they're the kind of person that would make a good friend or mate. We need to know now. So we use shortcuts. Testing is a shortcut for women. It lets them discover very rapidly whether you have BALLS, or if you're just another one of the bazillion Wussies that are trying to get her attention.

Probably the most interesting thing about tests from women is that they're not obvious. At least not to most men. In fact, 99% of all the tests that women use on men fly below radar. They're right out in the open, obvious to other women (and a few men), but for the most part, they go completely undetected. For instance, let's say that you're standing at a bar talking to some friends, and you make eye contact with the cute girl standing six feet away from you. What do most guys do? They look away. And they do it fast. Of course, most guys will look again within a few seconds. But it's already too late. TEST FAILED. Here's another... Let's say you're at a bar talking to a girl, and she says "Hey, buy me a drink". You say "Great, what do you want?". Guess what? She just told you what to do, and you went for it without a second thought. If you think back in your life about all of the situations with women that went bad, you'll probably find that you were tested, and you failed. RESULT: She hit the road. It's happened to all of us.

What's the best way to know when you're being tested? Well, one way to know you are being tested is with your GUT. Your gut doesn’t lie. In fact, if us guys would just learn to use this amazing "test detector" called our guts, then we'd live happier lives. Next time you're interacting with a woman and she does or says something that makes your gut tense up, you're probably being tested. It is important to expect their tests... and then pay close attention to how you're responding to them. When a woman tells you what to do, she's testing you. When a woman asks you to buy her something, she's testing you. When a woman nags, whines, or complains, she's testing you. Learn to spot it when it's happening. Next, notice how you respond. Most men respond by trying to win the woman's approval. If she tries to cancel plans at the last minute, most men say "Oh, no problem". Or if she complains about something, most say "I'm sorry, let me fix it". Again, just notice what's going on when you respond. Finally, learn how to PAUSE before you respond, and then understand how you need to respond to each test. Most tests will be tests to see if you'll allow her to control you. If you DO allow a woman to control you, you will lose. Women don't want men that they can control. So make sure you pass those tests first. The more you pay close attention, the more you'll see the subtle tests that women are using with you. And the more of these tests you pass, the more success you'll have.

Rule #16: Have independence – Be your own man. If you’ve ever wondered why women go for "jerks", having independence is a key driving force. In reality, a lot of guys seen as jerks aren’t jerks…They’re simply untouchable. They do things on their own terms. They can’t be negotiated with. They act with authority, and get the respect that goes along with it. They can’t be tested. They maintain independence from social constraints. This is the kind of independence that Hollywood has glorified, because it’s a position that commands respect and authority. Women string guys along until they find a guy that they can’t string along. Then that woman’s attention will suddenly center 100% on this new guy, and the guys who were being strung along are all but forgotten. Independence shows that you have high confidence, and don’t have to depend on anyone for your well being. Women (and men) are attracted to independence. To an outside observer, you’re not trying to pick up the women in question. Instead, you carry on as if women aren’t that important to you. While seemingly arrogant, it strikes a psychological chord with many women.

Rule #17: Don’t be afraid of beautiful women. The following (in quotations) is an excerpt from an article titled, Subliminal Seduction: Learn The Truth. "Most guys are afraid to approach a beautiful woman. I can tell you that in general they (beautiful women) have very low self esteems! One reason for this is that men DON’T approach them; as stupid as that sounds! Here’s one of the tacks that I use regularly. When I go to a party, a bar, or anywhere that there are a lot of women, I find the most attractive woman there and go say ‘hello’ to her first. I get this out of the way. I do this because I know that nobody else will do this. Instantly I’m the guy that actually TALKED to her rather than just ogling her from afar! Believe me, I know this works as I’ve dated some of the most beautiful girls you can imagine – and I’m just an average guy."

So the lesson from the above article excerpt is to not be afraid of beautiful women. They are not necessarily approached as often as you would think. There was a survey done back in 2004 by Dove soap in which it asked ladies around the globe what they though of their looks. Here are the results:

I remember seeing an interview a few years ago with a very attractive actress (or it may have been a model, I can’t remember for sure) in which she said she had a hard time getting dates because most guys were intimidated by her looks. So no matter what a woman looks like, they are people too and have insecurities like the rest of us. So the lesson learned is to not be afraid of beautiful women. They are not necessarily approached as often as you would think.

Rule #18: Don’t expect women to make the first move. Sure, sometimes they will, but in general that is not the rule. In our society, women have been cultured not to make the first move. You know, it’s "impolite" for them to make the first move … it’s the man who’s suppose to come over first. So in a way we have cultural permission as men to make the first move, so they’re kind of expecting it. Have you ever noticed how sometimes at work, at church, or even a party, when you are around a particular person for any length of time (such as a few hours, 1 day, 1 week, 1 month, etc.) and neither of you speak to each other or even acknowledge each other during that entire length of time? Doesn’t it get to a point to where it begins to feel weird? And the longer you go without speaking to/or acknowledging each other, the more weird and uncomfortable the situation gets, right? Well, because I tend to be a shy individual, it’s not easy for me to go up and talk to someone. So I can tell you this situation has happened to me many times!

It’s the same thing for when a man wants to meet and get to know a particular woman. If you just lurk around and stare, and you are trying to find that right moment to say the right thing, then it just starts to feel weird and creepy to the woman. It’s like you’re trying to create something but you keep hesitating, and it’s that awkward hesitation weirdness that can also start to create some kind of weird thing. And it’s that weirdness that makes women feel uncomfortable. And because of society’s rules that they are not suppose to make the first move, it gets to the point to where a lot of women will not know how to make that weirdness disappear. Since society says they are not suppose to approach you, they do not know what to do and then the entire situation (i.e.: you, as well) becomes just creepy and weird. It’s up to us men to confidently step up and prevent this creepiness and weirdness in the first place by making the first move.

Rule #19: Do not try to convince a woman to like you. You will never change how a woman "feels" when it comes to attraction. You cannot convince a woman to feel differently about you with "logic and reasoning." Think about it. If a woman doesn’t "feel it" for you, how in the world do you expect to change that FEELING by being "reasonable" with her? But most of us do it. When a woman (for whatever reason) just isn’t interested, we beg, plead, chase, and do our best to change her mind. Bad idea. One that will not work. If a woman is just not interested, move on.

There are guys that say, "I’m crazy in love with this one girl and she’s the only one that I want." If she returns the same feelings, great, if not then you need to let her go. You deserve to be in a relationship with someone who feels the same way about you. Pining away for someone is only going to make them want to avoid you. You have a much better chance of making something happen with someone if you let go, step back, regroup, pull yourself together and move on into new areas…then you may just intrigue this girl into giving you a second look. If not, there’s a whole ocean of possibilities out there you haven’t even seen yet.

Rule #20: Don’t wed the first person you fall for. How many people should you wine and dine before you can feel confident enough to say you’ve met your one and only? Believe it or not, mathematics has the answer: A dozen. "Check out and reject 12 people, then pick the next best that comes along, and you’re likely to have a very good match on your hands," says Clio Cresswell, a mathematician and author of Mathematics and Sex. That’s because when it comes to decision-making, formulas reveal that your chances of picking the right answer improve as you expose yourself to more options. But there does come a point when you are over-researching: If you date and reject 30 or more potential mates, "you’ve probably met someone that you could possibly have been more than happy with, and passed them over," notes Cresswell.

Rule #21: Clean up and dress up. In spite of the fact that most women do not place as high of an importance on physical appearance as men do, they still certainly prefer a guy who looks and smell nice. It goes without saying that you should shower everyday and smell fresh and clean. Brush your teeth and have fresh smelling breath. Be as presentable as possible, and if that includes exercise to get in better shape, then do it. Women like men who dress nice (Remember the old ZZ Top song verse, "Every girl is crazy about a sharp dressed man"). Don’t dress like a slob. Make the clothes fit the occasion.

Remember to wear nice shoes, because that is one of the things women look at. Even if they are just sneakers, make sure they are nice sneakers and not a pair you bought 10 years ago.

 

So, there it is: 21 Man Rules. This is a lot of information, so don’t try to gulp in this document all at one time. If from the beginning you try to apply all 21 rules at once, you’ll become overwhelmed. You’ll become frustrated and want to quit. You have to do this a little at a time. Pick out 1 or 2 things and focus on that. As Henry Ford said, "Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs." So the point is that if you gradually do something, then it can be done without much difficulty. If you jump in all at once, it will become just too difficult and overwhelming. But above all, you have to actually go and practice these rules. You will not get good at this or anything else by just reading about it. Brian Tracy, the self-help author, in his book "The Universal Laws of Success and Achievement", says this about practice: "Whatever mental or physical activities you repeat often enough become new habits of thought and behavior that eventually become automatic and unconscious. Practice makes perfect."

Make no mistake about it, it will take time to get comfortable doing these things and applying these rules to the point to where it is "automatic and unconscious." If you have been living your life in which you have not been living the principles talked about in this document, then it will not feel comfortable and natural in the beginning. At first you’ll probably have the feeling of, "I can’t do this." Yes you can! Do not give up! Just like anything in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. Just do a little at a time, and don’t put so much pressure on yourself by expecting to flawlessly master the rules right away. It is not important how you perform when you first begin practicing these rules. In fact, you can pretty much expect to perform poorly when you first begin using these techniques. That is completely normal. These are things you are not use to doing, so how can you expect to be perfect the first few times you apply these rules? It takes time to change from a lifetime of your old way of thinking and acting, to this new way of thinking and acting. It will not happen overnight. However, it CAN be done and it WILL be done - if you just stick to it!

My advice is to analyze what you need to work on the most and work on that. After a few days, re-access the situation to be sure if you are working on what you need to work on the most. You may decide, as I have when I recently began applying these rules, that it could actually be another one of the rules that is more important for you to work on (than the one you originally thought). Once you pin down the rule you need to work on, stick with it until you master it. And then move on to another rule and master that one. Then the next and then the next.

Now, a final thought: I believe there are 2 parts to our being – our physical self and our spirtual self. Our spirit is every bit as real as our physical body. As someone once said, "We are not human beings having a spirtual experience. We are spiritual beings having a human experience." Our spirit is literally dying because we are not living the way we want to live. It is dying because we are not doing the things we want to do – and not doing the things we know we should do. By avoiding taking risks, it is just slowly killing us inside. When a person’s spirit dies, they sink into depression, or become suicidal, or just lose it mentally. Some people, when their spirit dies, literally physically die! That’s why it’s IMPERATIVE we go out and change our lives. We can’t keep living the way we’ve been living.

So, study and put these rules into practice. It is my sincere belief that we can change our lives. It is totally up to us.

I welcome any and all feedback concerning this document. You can email me at:

dokweed@myway.com

P.S. - A certain percetange of people – mostly men – suffer from a condition known as “Love-Shyness”. Love-Shyness, as defined at loveshyproject.com, is, “a condition that renders one incapable of being in romantic relationships. Love-Shyness produces both a phobia of romance and sex along with a lack of intuitive understanding of how to play the human mating ritual.” If you believe you may be love-shy or just want to know more about it, visit http://loveshyproject.com/

Another good place for information concerning love-shyness is http://www.love-shy.com/